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Sunday, March 30, 2008
7:00 PM
I do not really know how to start this post. Should this be a happy one or a sad one. I really dont know either.
Apparently a lot of things had happened in a day, or rather in a few hours. In this few hours, things can change drastically and and everything could have been destroyed totally.
I do not learn it the hard way like you do. Not all things can be said out nice and clear to one another, it may seem easy for you as you are straightforward and so on, but that obviously do not apply to me. Being straightforward is one thing, but putting it across in a better usage of words is another thing. It's extremely hurting to hear those things coming out from you and besides that, the choice of words, the tone and so on adds on to the hurt.
For now,there are too many doubts within me after what you have said. I do not know how much trust should i put into it and just let it go and back to normal. In that few hours, the trust, confidence, secruity, assurance etc which were built up along the way were completely destroyed with just that few words from you.
I agree that I played a part in causing what we are now, and I've already admitted my faults and apologised for that. However, it still does not solve the problem and I definitely still hear those hurting words. I just felt that you're contradicting yourself and that makes me do not know how to react to it.
You are the one who said you need time to sort thoughts out, could not forget that hurt which was caused to you and so on, but you are also the one who said to move on and forget. You are also the one who said that no more sweet nothings as you cannot bring yourself to say those anymore, but on the otherhand what's with that 'I really miss you, but i cannot forget that shame' So should I be happy because you said I miss you or should I be upset because you cannot forget that shame.
Because of all these, i have no more trust, confidence, security and assurance in this relationship. I do not have the confidence in myself as well as you. When there is a scar there, it's just like a shattered glass which will never be fixed to it's original state anymore.
I very much hope that this will end nicely and back to what we were before, but apparently for now, I just could not bring myself to agree on the terms yet. The moment i hear your voice,those tears just cannot stop flowing and the scene will always be flashed through my mind again and again. It's a torture, really. I cannot think properly as those emotions are really uncontrollable.
I need time to think, or perhaps I have to feel something that makes me think that there is still hope, trust, security and assurance. This may be hard for both parties, but the hurt that was caused to me was really too much, I cannot forget it in just a few hours time. Say me petty, say me unreasonable or whatever you could think of to describe me. I believe this is the best way for both of us rather than 'Sorry-s'
Lastly, please do not doubt my love for you, I just do not have the confidence to be back to normal for the time being.
as said by cher
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Chermaine Lee, 20
Jonathon Han is L.O.V.E =]
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