Changed Life

Sunday, March 30, 2008 7:00 PM

I do not really know how to start this post. Should this be a happy one or a sad one. I really dont know either.

Apparently a lot of things had happened in a day, or rather in a few hours. In this few hours, things can change drastically and and everything could have been destroyed totally.

I do not learn it the hard way like you do. Not all things can be said out nice and clear to one another, it may seem easy for you as you are straightforward and so on, but that obviously do not apply to me. Being straightforward is one thing, but putting it across in a better usage of words is another thing. It's extremely hurting to hear those things coming out from you and besides that, the choice of words, the tone and so on adds on to the hurt.

For now,there are too many doubts within me after what you have said. I do not know how much trust should i put into it and just let it go and back to normal. In that few hours, the trust, confidence, secruity, assurance etc which were built up along the way were completely destroyed with just that few words from you.

I agree that I played a part in causing what we are now, and I've already admitted my faults and apologised for that. However, it still does not solve the problem and I definitely still hear those hurting words. I just felt that you're contradicting yourself and that makes me do not know how to react to it.

You are the one who said you need time to sort thoughts out, could not forget that hurt which was caused to you and so on, but you are also the one who said to move on and forget. You are also the one who said that no more sweet nothings as you cannot bring yourself to say those anymore, but on the otherhand what's with that 'I really miss you, but i cannot forget that shame' So should I be happy because you said I miss you or should I be upset because you cannot forget that shame.

Because of all these, i have no more trust, confidence, security and assurance in this relationship. I do not have the confidence in myself as well as you. When there is a scar there, it's just like a shattered glass which will never be fixed to it's original state anymore.

I very much hope that this will end nicely and back to what we were before, but apparently for now, I just could not bring myself to agree on the terms yet. The moment i hear your voice,those tears just cannot stop flowing and the scene will always be flashed through my mind again and again. It's a torture, really. I cannot think properly as those emotions are really uncontrollable.

I need time to think, or perhaps I have to feel something that makes me think that there is still hope, trust, security and assurance. This may be hard for both parties, but the hurt that was caused to me was really too much, I cannot forget it in just a few hours time. Say me petty, say me unreasonable or whatever you could think of to describe me. I believe this is the best way for both of us rather than 'Sorry-s'

Lastly, please do not doubt my love for you, I just do not have the confidence to be back to normal for the time being.

as said by cher

Wednesday, March 26, 2008 10:47 PM

work work work~~~

off day tomorrow! =]

as said by cher

Sunday, March 23, 2008 4:21 PM

Seriously, that woman need to do some self reflection. She thinks she is always right. Even the minor-est thing, she can have hell loads of crap to complain and the most irritating thing is that she always, i mean ALWAYS vent her fucking hell anger on us!

C'mon la, walking a little faster in front of you also want to find fault with us? seriously what is in your pea brain! Because of this you have to be hell damn sarcastic. FINE! I will not give way to you either. You are the one being unreasonable here! I don't see the need to give a single tiny way to you, so what if you are my mum. Being a mum means that you can vent your anger on anyone? can shout at the minor-est thing? can be unreasonable? can use all sorts of hurting languages? or rather we have to tolerate all your nonsense just because you gave birth to us and made yourself suffer for that freaking hell 9 mths?!

Sometimes it's not the things you say that turns people off. It's your fuck up attitude?! You always think that thats your normal way of talking, ok fine, why not one day i try that on you and tell you that 'oh mum, thats my normal way of talking' i believe you will be hell mad at us! Most of the time we do not say a single thing whenever you gave us your 'normal' attitude (well, to you it is), doesn't mean that we are afraid of you, it's just that we do not want to start a quarrel with you. But it seems that you do not freaking hell understand that and imprint that in your pea brain and continue to act like Empress Dowager in the house. It's extremely ridiculous.

Dad always tells us to give way to you just because we need to understand that you are always stressed up with work and other things. But whenever we gave way, you always turn even more ridiculous and nonsensical! It's always us undertanding your position, since when YOU understand our position?! Only you will say you are tired and so on, we can never say we are tired or watever. Whenever we say we are tired and have no time to pack that messy room, you always say, 'I also very tired, but why i can do so many chores but you all cannot' or 'what can you be tired of? will you be more tired than me?' or 'dont always make me pack your room for you can or not!' C'mon! YOU are the one who want to pack our room! dont say WE MAKE YOU PACK OUR ROOM! and do not use your principles on us! WE ARE DIFFERENT!

I just want to tell YOU! YOU are making ME EXTREMELY MAD! If you think you are right then you can jolly well carry on, i will move out as soon as i have the ability. I do not want to see your face either.

as said by cher

Tuesday, March 18, 2008 6:00 PM

A refreshed blog!

Finally that TaiTai is back.. met up with her and Rina for lunch, been quite some time since we three last went out together.. Ngiap brought back loads of goodies! She can open a shop with all her goodies now!

Went for job interview today, got the job but in the end I decided to reject it. The way there is totally 'mountain-climbing' to me and considering the amount I'm paid per hour, totally not worth it. And besides that do not really like working in a school-based environment, pretty much got tired of stuff related to school already. Imagine your vacation job is also a school based kind of work! That's a torture~

Anyway, talking about overseas trips, I've been longing to go for one soon but there's always something that's stopping me from going. BAH!~ For example, you're happily saving money for trips and the next moment, TADAH! the money shall be used for more important matters which cropped up last minute and unexpected-ly~ There goes your money..

Well, since it's fated that i cannot go overseas now, so i shall enjoy myself even more in Singapore! =]

as said by cher

Sunday, March 16, 2008 2:33 PM

YES YES! I know it has been such a long time since I update my blog! *BIG SMILE*

Anyway, results was bad. hahaha but as long as I passed everything it's enough!
slacking around for quite some time already, waiting for that Tai Tai TAN NGIAP YAN to be back in Sg..

No shopping partner, no gossip partner, no slacking partner.. BAH! life is so boring..
Thou there's still Jonathon, but he is working as well.. cant meet up often.. BAH!
I should get myself a job soon eh..

Went Vivo with karin yesterday and later joined by others.. went rounding and plane-seeing..
Took this pic!